I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
PANTIES FOUND
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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