Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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