At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
