she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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