they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
