I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
