you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
