I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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