We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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