im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
