If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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