just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
