Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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