okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
