So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
