Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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