I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
