Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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