I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
