lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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