im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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