Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
