I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
