apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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