He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
