It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
