i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
