My liver just broke up with me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
