I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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