Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
