I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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