I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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