Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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