I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got inside last night via doggy door
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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