his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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