im six kinds of drunk right now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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