I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
