this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
