Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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