What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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