You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
