I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
