hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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