so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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