he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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