you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
