so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
