why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
