It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
