do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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