So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
