I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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