How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
