ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
