Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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